Timeless.

2009-05-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

Went to Vivocity with Herwen and Jooping today. Had a great time, thanks girls! :D
After hving lunch at LJS we walked around and settled down and the grand stand area or whatever you call that. First thing that caught our eye was this couple at the very top showing extremely hardcore PDA. It was a pretty good show for all to see HAHAHA as a audience I certainly enjoyed it LOL.
Anyw slacked there and talked, more like bitching around some issues and people in school WOOO had a great time. And sadly cause I've to be home before 5:30PM so we left Vivo at around 4:15 and trained home.

We didn't make her cry. I swear.

Can fight with those angmohs alr

So I'm now blogging away, its been so long since I blogged regularly actually...

I made a promise to my girls that I'll ask that question again on Prom. Sometimes its just not as easy as it seems, I've said it once and it was a setback; its hard to remain undeterred by disappointment and all. I won't say I miss you cause I bet you're sick of it already, I myself am too.

Sick of missing you, sick of this whole damn thing.

2009-05-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day of my MYE and I hve no school until Thursday WOOOOOOOOOO
All those who still hve Physics, DNT and Biology TOO BAD ONLY ONE FREE DAY WE'VE GOT THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE lol ok shall stop being a bitch.

I was reading my older posts like really historic ones and omg I was such a desporado for some things that it looked as if I was a hooker in need of some hardcore sex or smth HAHAHA what kinda depiction is this. Anyw I'm not being embarrassed by what I wrote and how I felt in the past cause this is all part of my growing up. As time goes we'll look back and actually realized how much we've matured and all. :)

Alright now some issues at home no longer regarding mommy but that fucking maid who shouted at me the other day. Ok fine I admit she's not obliged to serve me cause my mom and I just came into this 'family' some years ago and we did not pay her to do chores for us but wait a minute. How can maids shout at... well, I dunno. Ok the situation went like that, my bro came into my room to borrow my phone charger and the plug was behind the door. Just coincidently she came upstairs and asked for him so I lied frivolously that I dunno where he went and he might hve went out so I'll tell her where he went after I called him later. Then my bro went downstairs and told her he was just behind my door and we lied to her for fun blahblahblah and I went down to the kitchen across the living room and she suddenly stomped towards me shouting, "Why you lie to me saying he went out!? He was in your room right!? Next time don't lie to me, I don't like!"
HAHAHAHA F YOU BITCH you dont like so what? Ok what I say might be going to initiate a human rights controversy but who cares! She pissed me off, and that's that.
She sounded like she's the head of the family. Oh puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, you're just a maid and you hve no rights to say whether you like smth or not cause you're hired to do chores so shut the fuck up and get back to work! Don't think just because you've been with their family for more than 12years mean you hve the authority to control us. I've been putting up with all your shoutings at the brothers, your damn laziness, everytime only know how to stay in the room and watch TV and guess what people: She even calls the brothers to keep the dishes for her and the younger brother to massage her back! OMG what kinda maid is this. And she shrinks in the presence of my stepdad. What a chicken. Ok maybe she watched them grow up and mommy's been speaking up for her saying that she's old (Damn she's 40plus and still a maid) and she has her own kids back in Philippines that's why she's such a control freak over the children but hey, you didnt watch me grow up so what the fuck do you understand about me? I don't need you to hve the slightest idea of what's on my mind anyw because it's of no use anyw.
Just found it really absurd how a maid can be so insolent. Nb.
Go back Philippines la, HAHAHA.

Oh my God I sounded like a bitch. My, that's bad. Sorry people but I'm just really pumped up with angst. And even my stepbro is pissed off with me. Great, just what I need in these times. THANK YOU. -.-

2009-05-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ok people I know my blog is so fucking dead but who cares if nobody visits my blog? I read it myself then, lol so lonerzxzzzxzzzzxxzz.

Went out with Jooping and Herwen and omg I found my new gossip-crapola mates! Wooooooo this is gonna be fun. Went to LaiLai at Jurong Point to have our brunch and walked around JP, crapping and had so much fun. Made a date on Tuesday to hit the town looking our best. Gonna spam eyeliner hadnt touch it for so fking long man I miss my blue-black eyes HAHAHA

Also made a date with that fucker on wednesday, not disclosing where HA! Die also must go but hope it doesnt rain PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE if not it'll be so damn sad :(

And sometimes I wonder why I turn so vulgar in front of some of my friends, lol. So unglam, hope he doesnt have the chance to see it until we get married (just a note to signify that it'll never happen. Or will it? If it will then I WANT IT MAN!) HAHAHA so despo. Shrugs.

Hey, to you out there.
I know you know that I miss you so much but I know that you dont care and I've been trying so hard to forget you but it doesnt work a fucking little bit! And you know it's kinda frustrating to have your image popping in my mind like a faulty VCD player when I'm trying to do smth else more constructive than missing you when you dont even know, less to say do so too! I don't give a shit about 'I love you forever honey' (there's no forever so WAKE UP FROM YOUR DUMB DREAM AND GET PRAGMATIC PEOPLE) and 'If you love a person, seeling him/her happy will be enough and it's not necessary to possess him/her' --- OK I think that's seriously bullshit. If you love a girl/guy then go for it, what are you waiting for, Judgement Day? Sheesh, what are you people thinking! Ok fine I confessed to you and you avoiding me is the fruit I got for my 'valour' but nvm, things dont always go your way doesnt it? I dont know if youre reading this but I'm sick and tired of missing you all the time and going all nostalgic for our moments spent together. Forget them maybe, but they're too sweet and precious.
Oh damn it.
This is pissing me off big time.

2009-04-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

有时候真的觉得, 当初为何要开始, 搞到现在这么难堪, 这么矛盾.
想念是一回事, 想拥有又是另一回事.
目前我没抱这任何希望, 只想每天看见你的一笑, 已让我心满意足.

我不是在报怨,报怨为什么原本完好无缺的一份感情, 会轮落到这种地步.
出了什么事? 我也不知道.
只记得我们起初的亲密, 都在一瞬间消失了.
我们也渐渐地疏远了.

想回到那段美好时光?
我想啊.
但... 可能吗?

2009-04-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

It has been a long, long time... I've been so busy, or rather sometimes I just chose to ignore my urge to blog as I was really lazy.

So many things had happened, and I don't think I have the memory to account for each and every one of them.

You know, sometimes I wonder why I've changed so much, as if I hadn't realized. I've changed to become so... critical. So mean, so selfish, so realistic, yet at the same time this day-dream part of me still remains. At times I curse and swear, at times I became so judgmental, at times I hate what people's doing when it doesn't even concerns me, and yet during these times I still wish some part of me belonged to... someone.

It's not easy to juggle all these at one go when I don't even know where did all these emotion surges come from. People around me, I know clearly they aren't the ones that's experiencing this... mutation of the mind, how you think and all. I am aware that I wasn't like that in the past. I wasn't the one who would hate someone so easily, who would say you're a bitch right in your damn face because I don't give a fucking damn for your feelings. I used to be able to put myself in the shoes of one else, what has happened to me now?

I used to think friends were my everything. They were, in fact, since I was in primary school. I had nothing, no brains, no looks, no figure, just plenty of friends. I was sociable, friendly, and I used to be the one who could tell at a single glance who's being left out in a clique. And now, I'm the one who's waiting for that another 'me' to appear.

I don't mind being the odd one out, sometimes I actually enjoy those moments of solitary. The fact that there's nobody to talk to, that don't bother me. I'm used to it. It isn't such a sad issue afterall, to think I'm already in my last year in secondary school. I don't hve to bother actually. All I have to do now is focus on my exams, get good grades, and mould my own future. Who's to interfere, who's to decide, but myself?

Yet, this part of me still misses you badly. Misses every bit we've spent together, those were the times. Yeah, those. They've drifted far, far away. To where, I dunno. Oblivion perhaps?

This blog can't be counted as one that records my most truthful feelings, although I wished it was, as there are certains things too sensitive to be mentioned. I'd love to, but I can't. The fact that I've always treated this blog as my confidante made me feel so guilty of retaining any congitations from her, although she's not even human. At least she knows how to... listen, which is something I've also realized that very few people can do.

2009-04-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

Why do I have to be so fucking sensitive towards every single thing around me?
Damn.

2009-04-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

YAW PEOPLE I am so sorry for not updating. To be honest I miss blogging so much but I really hve no time. I am so so sorry and I'm now rushing the CME Project with Wenny so no time to waste, cya real soon I promise!

I'll be going to Malaysia from Friday to Sunday so I'll be back soon Blogger! I missed you! :)

2009-03-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yaw people, I'm back from the expedition and I've got so much to say.

It's Monday, 23rd March 2009 and I skipped school today cause my tummy cramped like nobody's business. Anyway... Went to meet James in the afternoon, talked and laughed till my cramp worsened but it's okay, I had a great time.
Met NBF (Albert!) up on Saturday and we went to Jurong Point to hve LJS's while we saw Justin and gang there at the same time. Went shopping and finally I bought the pair of heel boots (is that what you call it?) that I've been looking for. Didn't buy the PVC material although it's nicer but it made my foot hurt like damn so I bought the leather one. I just logged on to Yuko's blog to find out that her pair was gorgeous but I must be self-contented! *My pair of heels is just as great and what's most importantly, it's comfortable.* Lol. Anyway my mom doesn't know I bought that pair of heels. I'm officially broke and I'm still wondering when I can really wear that pair of heels...

Alright, Malaysia was fun! Until the last day which was ruined by some people... I'm sorry if you feel offended but I'm seriously sick and tired of hving to choose my words so carefully all the time just so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings. Yet when I'm being so sensitive and considerate about how you guys feel, none of you bothered about how I feel.

On the last day we went to Malacca and after lunch I got off the bus to experience that fucking motion sickness. Told a couple of you girls yet none of you seemed to listen. And moments later, dear Emily came up and hooked my hand, wanting to take a picture together. I shoved off your hand and told you that I'm hving motion sickness, and added on telling you that I've told you about it moments ago, just that you weren't paying attention to what I was saying. You walked away sulking. I'm sorry if I had been rude but I'm just really pissed off that nobody actually listens to what I say. Or do I need me to scream and shout and make a din like a juvenile with no basic manners just to capture the precious attention of all of you? Wow, seems like it.
The five of you girls just walked all the way in front, with only Syafiqah stopping once to ask if I'm fine. Sorry Sya, if I had been rude. You girls just walked out of sight, far in front, while I was lagging behind. And upon reaching the meeting point, when the tour guide finished giving out the instructions, you girls just rushed all the way to the mall, brushing pass me as if I was invisible. I didn't even manage to open my mouth to call out to you girls before I realized that you girls were gone. I looked around, the boys were dispersing as well. And shortly after I knocked myself out of the daze and found out that I was standing alone in the middle of the corridor.
I paced up and down outside the shop you girls went. Yes, I started to cry. Went up to YaoYi and gang trying my luck to see if they knew where Tridia was, only to see the male guide coming my way and asked, "Why are you crying?"
I went to the washroom, hid myself inside the cubicle to prevent my hideous face from revealing, and thank God, when I came out I saw Kohser, Meifen and Zikun. Seeing them was something so jovial; imagine seeing someone you know after walking around a totally unfamiliar ground for some time. They comforted me, and I followed them for the next 2hours, alongside the boys from 4E1. I was glad they didn't complain about my presence and in fact, they were really... friendly. I don't even know some of them well yet they came up to talk to me. Thank you very much you guys, Justin, Desmond and gang...

You girls might think that I'm just being whiny, trying to gain sympathy and all that. I don't care. Because in a mere few hours, I know I've lost 5 friends whom I used to cherish, whom I used to love hanging around with. It might not matter much to you, but it meant a whole world to me. "You're just being sensitive," you may say. But I very well know that I'm not.
The five of you just proved to me what friendship was, how fragile, how unimportant, how insignificant it was. I couldn't thank you enough. Ha.
Disappointment once again, but it's fine. I'm used to it. Afterall, what are friends to me? I thought I knew, yet I would hve to start from scratch now, again.

Friends, friends, friends... Haha, what a joke.

I told Sharvin on the bus home about this, and I started to tear again. He is a great guy, for I've never really seen him so seriously comforting someone before... This time it was me whom he had to trouble himself with. Nonetheless, thank you Sharvin.

I talked to NBF about this and he told me that, I've just not found the right one. The right female bestie, he meant. And he realized that I hve many male besties as well... Hmm, perhaps, for as a matter of fact I've found out many of my really good friends are all male. I'm aware that I hit off much better with guys since primary school, and I was being labelled a bitch, a slut, a flirt, for that.
But it's just part of my character, sometimes I ponder why is that so too. All I know is that I don't hve to be apolegetic to any girl out there, unlike me in my younger days, when I was so afraid to be labelled as one of those unpleasant female groups. If there are still girls who think this way then I suppose she's intellectually challenged, sadly still, at this age...

OK! Enough of the emo talk. I've finally got this piece of shit out of my mind and I'm feeling good. :D

The first day of activity at the campsite was fucking fun I'll remember it for life! We had whitewater rafting and 6 per raft. Including the instructor and I, there were Sya, Yihan, Justin Liang, and Sharvin. Shar and Yihan was in front, then Justin and I, and lastly Sya and Kapa (instructor) at the back. It was really an extraordinary experience, with the tides and all... And not forgetting I was the first one to hve to 'swim' down the current. That was seriously scary and I thought I was gonna drown... Anyway, we really had lotsa fun and Shar kept losing his peddle and falling off the raft and blah blah blah. There was this part where the waters were calm and Kapa wanted us to put down our peddles, sit on the edge on the raft, raise up our hands, close our eyes and think about the journey... PLUSH! Everyone went down into the water, and obviously he pushed us. Haha! It was so much fun... Oh, and we emerged first and while rafting to the finishing point Yihan suggested, instead of "1,2,1,2!" while peddling, we shouted "MAKAN, MAKAN!" and the most fun part was, we shouted in unison, "CHAMPIONS, CHAMPIONS!". We got really high and Kapa was laughing along with us. :D And I still remember Junwei and his raft were peddling behind us, chanting "CHIONG AH, CHIONG AH!" It was just hilarious... I mean, the whole thing, it was fun, pure fun! I really wna do it again, alongside Yihan, JustinL, Shar, Sya and Kapa. It'll be great, and I won't mind doing it again and again and again...

Alright I'll continue next time, my brother is back. Long waited! :D
Ciao.

2009-03-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

I would like to apologise to my brother, for hving misunderstood him all these while.
He wasn't badmouthing me on his blog, neither was he saying how irritated he was by me.
All those things he posted, instead, touched me and I feel so utterly guilty for hving posted those hurting words.
He wrote some of the things I'd never imagined him to.
There sounded so unlike the way he usually is.
Nonetheless, this case had brought us closer, I hope he feels so too. :)

I'll be away to Perak, Malaysia for the Sec 4 Expedition, from the 16th to 19th of March.
See you guys after then. :)

2009-03-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

I wanted to sit by my bro and accompany him while he was doing his homework online, only to hve him hastefully close a MSN conversation window. What was he hiding, I don't know. And I'm sick and tired trying to find out.

Enough of all these emo talk? I hope so too.

Thanks Serli, Sharvin, Mario and all those who expressed their concerns for me regarding my last post. I know it was rather depressed, but all those tags left behind meant alot. And I didn't expect Mario to read my blog and asked, "Why so emo?"
They may not mean much to you, but it means otherwise to me. Thank you all, I really appreciate it. :)

Well, not all are encouraging... Still, now and then I found disappointment towering over me, from both friends and myself. Empty promises, talk but no action, lack of responsibility, and now you're speaking to me as if you know the whole situation. Yes, I do hve opinions on some of the people around me, how they work and stuff, but they all happen for a reason. As I said, there's a limit to everyone's tolerance, and you never know, you might hve just hit the roof. Learning to tolerate is not easy. As you grow up you're bound to meet people of all sorts, from kind souls to some of the most fucked-up people. Only then you're trained. But I suppose we're on par in terms of level of patience, so I don't think I hve a problem. Not everyone has the same 'cares', for different things weigh differently to you. You might think this friendship thing doesn't bother you a single bit, but it's of such hindrance to me. Hope you understand, and I think it's really no use trying to tell you to wake up and study anymore. If it was of use, you would hve done so long ago after all those advice from the people around you.
And I don't see why you're lecturing me, when, as a matter of fact, I don't need it.

***

Alright, end the grousing. Went to Singapore Flyer and Jurong Hill yesterday (5/3/09) for field trip with my class. Honestly it was the first time I had so much fun with my classmates... Oh well, I believe there are more times to come. :) The Flyer would be really boring if it wasn't for them. We actually suggested to jump while taking a group photo on the capsule (which was then hanging in midair). Obviously we didn't, if not we would hve hit the news headlines for the latest school-Flyer tragedy.

And Jurong Hill was... quite boring actually, except watching in amusement how Yihan and Justin chased each other down the slope, LOL.

Photos are not in order, sorry

Herwen and Jooping

Yongli!!

We both agreed that shadows are sexier. Heh :D

Tay Meow Meow

Group T1!

YY, Jus, Shar & CEO

Her head kana compressed lol. Szekim

Look at all the jokers behind

"Omg, I'm gonna faint~!" LOL Junjie :D

Ivan, don't deny the presence of my camera

Shawn + Mrs Chia + Partner

Who else?

Ahlili!

Ha jiao bin :D

Camera war with Suizheng, he act shy only :D

INTEGRATED RESORT!!!

Capsule A2

Love this

My husband

The one to his right is the mistress

See, another mistress. LOL

Ciao!

2009-03-02T05:26:00.000-08:00

For some reason I've came to understand myself more these days and do some self evaluation.

I realized I cannot stand many character traits of some of the people around me.
I found out that I actually detest some of the people around me.
I finally see who's worthy of a soul mate, and who's just fooling around.
It was a wake up call, I guess.

I've just found out that my brother owns a blog, and he's not telling me about it.
I asked, "Hve you been blogging about me?"
And he said yes.

He's definitely refusing to let me know about it.

We once shared a complicated relationship, even I don't know how to explain it.

He used to occupy this place in my heart for being so nice,
but now he's just nothing but a stepbrother.
With no feelings attached, just a dry and withered relationship.

Perhaps I wouldn't wna read what he blogged about at all,
it might just inflict more unwanted, useless pain.

Sometimes I think I hve a lot of friends,
but now I realized all are but Hi-Bye friends.
I don't even know what's this churning feeling I'm feeling inside,
this revolting, uninvited sense of being so unwanted around people.

And my brother just intensified this awful sensation.
Haha.
Thanks.

Where's a listening ear when you need one?
Nowhere.

I'm sick of everything.
Just so tired.
What's wrong with myself?
I dunno, I wish to comprehend as well.

It's like, this urge to shed your accumulated tears,
yet you feel as if they were saved to gain sympathy.
You don't want others to feel that way,
yet as you put yourself in another's perspective,
you'll be so terribly disgusted by your own actions and think to yourself, "What the fuck was I doing?"

Spill it out, you may say.
But to whom?
I don't hve Father Jesus, like many of my friends do.
I don't hve someone to guide me along as I walk down this long aisle of every part and parcel of life.
I don't hve someone that comes out of nowhere and rescues me from this damned, forsaken situation.

I don't expect to be saved, for this is a personal problem.
All I want is a soul mate,
someone who listens when I speak.
That's all.
That's really all I've yearned for.

2009-02-13T23:45:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging for a long time, partially because I'm just lazy to on the computer...

We won Unity 2-1 on the 16th Feb. Were almost late, but we still managed to calm down and won the last match of our West Zone 2009.

And it rounded up my volleyball days in HY. Just like that...

I won't be blogging much as time goes, hve to settle down and study, although I doubt I can. I'm feeling the competition now, to hve realized that so many people in my class wna get into Mass Communications in Polytechnic. Which one in specific, I dunno. But L1R4 of 10? Ha, I can only cling on to that remaining ray of hope which I now feel that it didn't even exist in the first place.

My brother is in JJC, and every morning my mom sends him to school before dropping me off at HY. On the way I'll see all these JJCians going to school and everything, and suddenly that strong urge of going to a Poly diminished, as if it evaporated... And I feel so much of going to JJC as well. To be able to attend the same college as my brother, I love that thought. And also to prove that I'm capable of getting less than 15 for my L1R5 to those fucked up relatives, not all but some. Just because their kids are attending JCs, they made them resemble heavenly gods or some heros. Lol, what a joke. Just because I'm not in the Science stream, you dispel any thoughts of me being able to do well. I hate it when you scrutinize me when you aren't any better, son of a bitch.

Tell you what, I can, and I will do better than your daughters and sons.

If people can get as many as 11 A1s, I don't believe I'm that stupid. Well, at least 3 distinctions? I solemnly hope.

Mrs Wong had been teaching us how to write our personal statement, and I've been working on it since last month. Not much effort put in yet, cause I really don't have the time...
I just realized so many people from my class are applying for NPMC, and their english is so much better than mine. I don't deny that my confidence level had been halved and I deleted everything that I wrote on my application letter.

Ha, what dumb luck.

Btw, anyone knows where to buy a comfortable pair of heels? I need one urgently. Thanks :)
Oh, and anyone interested to catch Valkyrie and go shopping with me after that? Hopefully by this Friday. :D

And some really random pictures to spice my blog up abit, since it's about to be presumed dead. Lol

2009-01-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

It's Chinese New Year Eve,
and I hve to get so pissed about that bitch again.
I was sleeping in the room hving a terrible headache when she came in and said,
"Can you do something more meaningful rather than wasting your time and life away sleeping?"
I told her I was hving a headache and she didn't show any signs of redemption.
And less than 5 seconds later, she said the same thing again.
I fucking told you I'm hving a headache, which part of this perfectly understandable sentence do you not understand?
Piss off.

I don't even hve my own rights to sleep.
What kind of mother is this?
Nb.

Maybe it's when I try so hard to ensure nothing goes wrong during the upcoming festive seasons that there'll always be these kinda surges of anger.
Thanks to none other than... Well I don't hve to spell it out.

***

Went out with my ANE friends yesterday for a reunion dinner. Had steamboat somewhere near Beach Road and later on we bought some alcohol and sat by the Esplanade. Choon Heng's treat, thank you so much. :)
Drank a bottle of Barcadi and I'm still sober! Unlike the other time when I was totally K.O.-ed. Lol

Albert

Fucking unglam one. Lol

Huishan

Couple face? Hmm...

I'M ROTTING AT HOME LIKE CHEESE BEING LEFT OUT IN THE OPEN.

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!! D:

2009-01-17T11:59:00.000-08:00

First thing first:
CONGRATULATIONS TO MY FRIENDS WHO SCORED SO WELL FOR THEIR Os!
As follows,
my brother scored L1R5 = 9,
Prime scored L1R5 = 16
Kuan Yu scored L1R5 = 7

Smart asses. Lol
My bro is trying out for ACJC and Kuanyu is obviously overchoiced... After CCA deduction his score is 5. Wtf?
Prime is going for Poly with L1R4 = 12 for I guess he'll be alright. :)

If only I can do as well when it's my turn... :(

Ok nvm. Don't talk about studies first.
I BOUGHT MY HEELS ALR!
Not very high but it's pretty comfortable.
Ahlili was telling me to get the other pair but it was really high and uncomfortable although it was pretty.
Oh well...
I'm happy. :D

And so many things happened in school, I dunno where to start off with.
All I can say is that i spent almost everyday laughing along with Wenny, Ahlili, Yong Li, Jansen and Jun Jie.
Especially Ahlili's 'buddha' and all the jokes about SW's perm hair.
For many days I laughed till I stomachache LOL.
But it's really fun, and I hope Chia won't change our seats. :(
Must act quiet in front of her, heh. :D

Here's a joke for everyone:

When John attends weddings, his older relatives would always joke and tell him, "You're next, you're next."
At funerals, John would then them, "Hey, you're next, you're next."

HAHAHA ok dumb. Not funny right :(
Nvm I was self-entertaining.

See ya people, going to ACJC with my brother later.
Ciao! :D

2009-01-11T17:04:00.000-08:00

Went down to Far East Plaza with Ahlili, for details please go to her blog. Hehe :D
Bought a kimono top with her and I'm happy!
Not really though cause I still have so many things I want to buy and worse still,
I DON'T HAVE MONEY. :(

I still want to buy these:
1. Glossy leggings!!!
2. MY DAMN HEELS although I wonder if it'll still be there when I go back
3. Pencil eyeliner (and they're so fking expensive)
4. Earrings!
5. That black/white top I saw at one of the shops in FEP basement and it costs a damn $32.
6. That butterfly top from M&M! Although Ahlili say not nice but it's quite cheap you know
and more just that I can't recall for now.
Anyone can sponsor? LOL

I NEED MONEY!!!!!!
And I don't mind working!
Urgh...
I'll be going on a hunger strike for the next two weeks so as to save money and get the stuff I want. :D
Can slim down as well, that's killing two birds with one stone! Hahaha :D
And Ahlili, don't forget our slimming cream!!! Rofl

2009-01-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 5am today and I'm so freaking tired now. :(
My stepbro promised to 'escort' me to the bus stop yet he OVERSLEPT. :(
So I had to find my way to the 187 bus stop on my own like some foreigner cause I don't even know where the hell is it.

But this kitty made my day! She was near our school's back gate and I think she's pregnant. I meowed once and she came forward and started rubbing her body against my legs, as usual. :)

Reached school at around 6.05am, and waited for the rest to come. One random photo to start the day! :D

And there, we went for the Social Etiquette workshop. And omg Mr. Christian Chua was so hilarious! I bought both the books cause it was seriously so cheap and I need it anyway. The one written by him was funny as well, I guess he was born with this fantastic sense of humor. :) I still laugh at the thought of his jokes. He was so talented with his speech, I wish I could speak so well as well. He talks for a living. That's wow. I wish I'm an influential speaker too, just like Hitler!

Sayang!

Waiting for houseflies to fly in

Main course

The delicious dessert!

And this is for Wenny :D

Oh, and everyone was telling me NOT to get tongue piercings (except for Wenny and Ahlili). I dunno... And James was saying getting an eyebrow piercing. HAHAHA :D

Gotta go,

tmr is the West Zone Competition draw lots day.

Ciao.

2009-01-04T11:40:00.000-08:00

I want to pierce my tongue.
But everyone is saying not to.
WHY!?!??!?!?!
Nb.
:(

2009-01-03T07:23:00.000-08:00

Yaw people I'm back, after mia-ing for more than week.

So many things had happened, and I don't know if I can recall...
Oh well.

From my last post I believed you guys read about my terrible Christmas, but New Year was pretty good. At least I spend it with somebody, instead of being alone again.
I had a friendly match at PJC on Wednesday (New Year's Eve) and it was... pretty badly played. I called it Stunt Day cause I was doing so many stunts when I can't even receive the serve. Lol it was (*&^#*&^% embarrassing, especially when the PJ and VS players were around too. And Ye Beh didn't even bother to give us debrief. :(
After the matches I went to check my phone and found out that my friends from ANE had changed the plans and went to Leslie's house instead of Sentosa. I admit I was pissed and upset and I started bombarding Albert with rude smses. I'm sorry NBF. :(
I was just upset that something I planned had been changed so easily... Sorry people.
Didn't see that coming, and I thought I was gonna have a good time at Sentosa with them. Oh well... Went home to bathe and all, and slept for awhile. I was feeling kinda emo so I didn't wna go down to join the rest. Rang James up, and he promised to spend the night outside with me, thankfully! I was planning to spend the night with the whole group at Sentosa but since it turned out to be at Leslie's house...

So we agreed to meet at Harbourfront MRT cause we decided to ton overnight at ECP. Went to Westmall to have my dinner while not realizing that I am already late... By the time I finished my dinner, James had alr reached JE. Hehehe so we trained down to ECP and I rented skates. And here's the fun part. I spent 15 agonizing minutes skating in those problematic skates and the remaining 45 trying to get the damn skates out of my feet as it was stucked. In the end I had to wear the skate on my left foot and James's slipper on my right and limped all the way back to the rental store. It's pain one can! Nb. But luckily he was beside me so I wasn't alone. :) Went back to the rental store and the uncle took it out in 2 seconds. WTF!?!?!??!!! Actually we were pressing the wrong thing that's why we couldn't open it. I complained to the uncle and he gave me 30mins more to skate. But my leg too pain alr :(

Huishan was nagging us to meet her at City Hall, so we left ECP at around 11pm plus and made our way down. The train was so empty until we reached City Hall. The people just rushed in as if the train will leave the next second. Wtf. Alright we met Hs there and made our way to the Singapore Flyer. Sat there and talked abit while waiting for Choon Heng to join us. Meanwhile we saw this guy carrying a girl down the escalator and we thought they were pda-ing or smth, until we found out that she was drunk. DEAD drunk. She was vomiting and it was obviously a handful for the guy to handle so Hs and I went to help him. We took her to the washroom, cleaned her up and apparently she was too drunk to move so she simply fell asleep in the toilet. Lol sounds funny but it was pretty interesting for this is the first time I met someone so drunk. Alright here's smth funny, the guy ran out of the ladies' to take something when he banged into a reflecting wall cause he thought that's the way out. It's hard to depict it through words but the scene was fucking hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing while Hs gave me that stunned face and said I was so evil to laugh at one's misfortune. True enough, awhile later while I bent down to get smth from my bag which was leaning against that plastic wall, my head kana the wall also. HAHAHA since then I couldn't stop laughing and I am still laughing right now :D
Choon Heng joined us and helped out abit, after that he and Hs went to 7-11 to buy some food while leaving James and I behind to take care of the girl. The guy was around too, and we were chased out of the place as it was past the time and in the end we accompanied the guy and the girl back to their hotel (they're not locals) at Orchard by cab, and we also made our way back to the Flyer by cab. Limo somemore, lol. By the time Hs and Ch were back so we sat outside somewhere nearby, ate and drank some alchohol called Barcadi mixed with Heiniken. Lol it tasted quite good so I drank and drank and drank until more than half was gone and then I started to laugh like, for no reason. Lol and they forbid me to drink more :( So after that I was abit seh alr, couldn't think properly and all. We ton there till like 6am plus and made our way home. Slept on the bus throughout while James didn't even get a wink of sleep, sorry James. :( In the end the bus uncle had to wake the both of us up. HAHA :D

It was an extremely tiring day but I really had lots of fun. Thank you so much James, Huishan and Choonheng for starting off my New Year so hilariously, so cheerfully, and most importantly, so happily. THANKS! :D

***

Alright, yesterday (Friday) was the first day of school. Nothing much, but the most interesting thing to start your Sec 4 life is to have your teammate coming in and exchanging skirts with you. HAHAHA thanks to Ahlili I had to walk around school with her super short skirt cause she wore my skirt to see razak. I was cleaning the windows in my class and I bent down to get smth when Sayang said, "Eh, don't anyhow bend here bend there uh. I can see everything." Lol lucky I got wear FBT inside. :D AND I CAN'T SIT WITH SAYANG ANYMORE :( change of seating arrangement, now she's right in front. :( Oh well, I'm now sitting beside Wenny and maybe Ahlili is joining us too so it'll be a trio row. Lol, macham war everyday alr, first thing Wenny said was "Wa, wo bu yong huo liao." LOL! :D
And frankly to say, Ahlili your skirt is nice one hur :D After I step down from Council I go alter my skirt also. HAHAHA :D

Look at my jiaobin. Omg but the skirt is nice one :D

Alright it's late alr.

See ya people.

Ciao.

2008-12-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

That bitch just saw me using MSN and said, "So all these nights you've been sleeping late it's all because of MSN?" and she give me her signature fuck face.
And the naggings went on and on and on and on and on and on...
And so did the doubts and disgusting faces she gave me, making it clear she was super suspicious about what I'm doing online...
But too bad, I locked my computer.
You can't come in.
Even if you want me to unlock it, I won't.
You think I'm an idiot like you?
Hahaha
Once bitten, twice shy.
I won't let your and your boyfriend's filthy hands touch my private information again.
So what if you're my mom?
Does that give you the right to invade my privacy?
So what if he's a whiz in computering?
I don't give a fuck as long as you stay far away from my privacy.

You make me wna grow up as fast as I can,
so I can escape from your clutches, from your control, from your nonsense.
I'm tired of blogging about you all the time,
but it's the only way I have,
because I hve nowhere else to vent my anger, and certainly you won't listen.
Please just fuck outta my life, you might not be able to take my attitude, but likewise I can't take yours.

Sorry Ma.

***

Enough of being pissed and fucked up, I'm sorry people. I'm just so angry about this terrible Christmas I had and for hving such a mother.

Spent the day with James, we went to town together. As usual I lied to my mom, I don't care. :) We trained to Orchard and settled down in Taka MOS Burger. Had so much fun talking, but Mr James gotta go to church so we trained back to Gombak. Actually we wanted to go down to Suntec but the scene in front of the MRT doors was @#$%^&*& so we just went back.
So on the train James told me about this little boy who kana disiao by him and his friends. "Eh, your brother ah?" LOL the boy pek cek till... Ha James would know better. :D

So we laughed all the way back to Gombak hehehehehehehe
Ok lame.

We found a place to sit down and I applied eye shadow for him HAHAHA

Gold and teak, macham become chiobu alr ROFL

Prettier than Eugene the other day HA :D

But too bad he don't let me post the picture and he covered half his face so... As long as I hve them. Hehehehehehe :D

We had so much fun that we forgot the time and he was late for church. OK actually I was the one who held him up because I was hving so much fun sending and cancelling the photos via Bluetooth HAHAHA

He was damn du lan one hehehehehe well that was the whole point.

And I realized today I keep saying F you hahahahahaaha :D

Oh well we took some (actually ALOT) photos together but he didn't allow me to post them up cause most of it were his FFs. :)
I shall be an angel on the last few hours of Christmas 2008 and not post them up. :)

He specially requested for this to be up.

Favourite photo of the Year! Ha :D

Thank you James, for spending Christmas with me. It was perhaps the best, for you brightened up my day with your words and actions from all these lurking, looming gloom that had surrounded me for the past night. Thank you so, so much. :)

2008-12-24T23:43:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to be spending Christmas with my teammates at wzx's house tonight. But I left early as my mom said I should be spending Christmas with my family. Alright, I listened to her and made my way home before dinner even started at wzx's place.
It was raining, and wzx commented that it felt really like Christmas as the coldness in the rain had added much Christmas atmosphere into the air.

How I hope I was right there with them now.

Having fun, screaming in joy, and most importantly to be able to spend a meaningful day with people I love.
I reached home, hoping to see a heartwarming scene where the whole family would be crowded in the living room, watching TV together, and a widespread of food would be laid on the dinner table.
Yet I reached home, opened the door only to see that lone man watching TV, my mom walking around, and the three brothers hving their eyes glued to the computer screens. I admit, I didn't expect to see this. What happened? What happened to 'family'? This ain't no gathering. This is nothing but an ordinary day only with a few additional dishes and presents. I don't need these. I don't need these stuff. I want company, but who's to give?
I hve no freedom. I hve no night life, and needless to say those countdowns. I dream about them, that's all. My mom controls me. Fine, I can understand that. You claimed that I should spend the Christmas with my family.

Yes, I came home.
To you.
To an empty shell.
To nothing but a shelter over my head and a place to sleep.

Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.
This Christmas, I should have been with my teammates.
Laughing along, watching them enjoy, hving fun.
Yet I'm here blogging away,
alone in the living room,
with everyone minding their own businesses.
Who am I to bother them just to keep me company?

Mother, you have him.
And the three brothers have each other.
And who am I to have?
All I hve now are my friends
And I am not able to spend this special night with them because of your word, 'family'.

I came back for you.
For the five of you.
But now it seems like I've came all the way back from Clementi, from the comfort of my friends, out of my comfort zone, and back to this shelter.
This place where no one bothers.
Where feelings are only to be kept to yourself because no one understands and no one will ever be keen to.
Where emotions have to be faked and portrayed like a dramafest,
where my brothers are in their comfort zone while I'm miles away from it,
where tears shed as if they were just to gain sympathy,
where I only have myself to complain to, to entertain, to keep giving myself excuses that this is just another hard time I'm going through.

I'm just so disappointed.

James was keeping me company all these while,
even though he's in Orchard enjoying himself now.
Starhub screwed up and smses kept getting intercepted and my replies can't get to him.
But I'm grateful.
At least someone bothers.

Not even my stepbrother gave a damn.

I only have to endure this night.
A tormenting one.
I've been waiting for Wenny's video call but I guess it ain't coming anymore.
I just hope they enjoyed themselves.

And...

Thanks James.

You're a great person.

2008-12-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

Just had an astro camp at NP fro the 19th to 20th of Dec and it rocked :D
Okay first day was so boring, but the night activity was fun! Love it love it love it
And the games on Day 2, the night walk too!
Wooooo nbf you don't have to treat me noodles alr :D

Had training yesterday,
yeh beh made us do PT like shit again
*&^%$#@!
Okay nvm
He is a nice coach ok
He admit he is pervert LOL
"对,我就是变态!" And he smiles.
FYI he was suaning wenny HAHAHA
She say sorry also tio soured :D

Alright now I shall go back to proper english!
Hahaha some broken sentences is fun too okay :D

Spent the whole day alone today. Went to meet James (I MENTIONED YOU OK) before setting off to CCK for my hair cut. That James didn't wna accompany me because he needed to go home :(
And he just stays 2 blocks away from mine! Yay new neighbour :D

Oh yes, I've changed my blogskin and changed my song. I won't want you guys to like it cause it's my blog so it only has to please me HAHAHA :D
And the song is nice OK
Just hope Imeem don't cut my song to 30s again this time. :(

2008-12-17T01:06:00.000-08:00

Time again I've been trying to resist the urge to blog about my mother
now I'm here, gonna be blog about her and I'm not gonna blame myself but blame her for pushing my limits way off.

I've endured your countless naggings for the past few days, especially during this period when we're moving out of the house. Yes, you have alot to pack, you're troubled, you're frustrated and pissed off but think again bitch,
You're the one who brought this upon yourself
You're the one who signed the contract
You're the one who wna earn money through properties

So don't fucking blame anybody.

You kept questioning me if I'm telling the truth when I told you I'm going to school/out for schoolwork purposes. "Really uh? Really uh?" You repeated that for so many times. And you claimed, "Mommy trust you so much, you cannot lie to mommy ok?"
HAHAHA what a joke.
You think I don't hope that I can openly tell you who I'm going out with? This holiday had been such a fucking loathesome one. I don't even dare to tell you that I'm going out in fear you'll flare up. I don't know why I'm still bothering about how you feel. But now I don't care whether I'm telling you the truth or not.
You don't respect me, so why should I respect you?
I don't seem to be able to talk to you properly now, everything I want to say I have to think before speaking.
What kind of mother-daughter relationship is this when you even hve to think twice before speaking?

You say I musn't lie to you just because you trust me alot.
Alot?
You should ask yourself if that's a fact or not.

I grew up lying to you
And I wouldn't hesitate to continue.
Because the truth would stir up so much fuss,
I would rather shut them up.
I've had enough of your PMSes, your anguish, your nonsense
You always say, "I'm your mother, no matter what I'm always correct."
Please wake up la bitch
This is the 21st Century for goodness sake.
Who in the right mind would still give a fuck for this kinda reason.

So what if you're my mother?
So what if you gave me life?
I would rather not have it.

In your eyes I'm bound to fail my O Levels.
So why are you still pushing me on?
What a joke.
You're contradicting yourself, bitch.
Fail? Nvm ah
Retain la.
Isn't that what you've been predicting all along?
You think I don't wna do well?
You think I don't wna score As?
You think I don't wna get into my desired instituition/course?
You think I'm not in my right mind, don't you?
Tell you what,
you aren't either.

I love Zubaidah more than I love you,
and when you looked at her with that filthy pair of eyes of yours,
you never considered how she might have felt.
Well, that's you.
I can't deny it. That's your attitude.
Your fucked up attitude.
Who gave you the permission to look down on my friends?
Take a look at yourself,
you ain't any better.
And you might wonder why you've gave birth to a daughter so lousy like me?
It's because
Like mother like daughter.

And I love Prime more than I love you too.
So much more.
He listens, he understands, he cares.
You?
Oh forget it, what a disgrace to mention.

I love you, because you're my mother.
I don't have a choice
The bond is too deep to erase,
much as I hope I can detach myself away from you so I won't have to be affected by your hurtful words,
it's impossible.
Even people who have parents who abandoned them since birth,
who didn't even had a chance to talk to their blood parents,
they too still want to have their parents back.
Mine?
She's so near, yet so far.

You think I'm not obedient enough.
Am I?
You make me have the urge to go on a tattoo spree,
to start exploring the wonders of the fucking stinking cigar,
to have my tongue pierced,
to stay out late immersing myself in alcohol,
to have sex like a random slut and ruining myself.
Maybe the extremes work for you?
I dunno.

Now I can't wait for school to reopen, so I won't have to stay at home.
I hate this place.

2008-12-13T01:50:00.000-08:00

Oh my God the teacher is so cute lol.
Ok no link.

Had my tuition at Just Mathematics today, or should I say yesterday since it's already past midnight, and it turned out not bad. Maybe because I've learnt all the sums and formulas before that's why I found it quite manageable. Heh :D And from what I heard, my teacher was supposed to be a female, but it was a man. A young one, and he looks really good. I'm not being man-crazy and drooling over them now, but just praising him for he really have a beautiful shell. As for the insides, I dunno, but from how he teaches and all I guess he's okay.
Don't judge a book by its cover, or whatever you say. Ha :D
Anyway I don't think he'll be still there teaching on the next lesson. And the class was so dead, only 7 of us including me. And there were only 2 girls, including me. Lol even the guys were quiet except for 2 dumb asses sitting beside me who couldn't stop talking.

Caught The Alps at the Omni-Theatre with Jingxuan today. It was pretty good, the scenery and everything. It'll be a bliss if I get to go to Switzerland next time. :) After that, lunched at Macs and we went down to Jurong Spring as JX needed to pass something to some I-dunno girl there and guess who I saw: Wenny and Chialili! *must act excited*
and also Queenie Eugene and Shawn.
Lol
CHEONG JING WEN YOU SEE I MENTIONED YOU!!! but you never mentioned me waliao sadded can. :(
Hahaha

And Chialili haven't ask me out for Hotpot Culture. :(
F you hahaha
We'll be going as a team anyw so yeah. Yay team outing :D

Won't be attending lesson next Friday as I'll be at camp. Sianxzxzxz if the teacher is still teaching my class then I would be sososo glad to attend. Heh :D
A pretty face definitely aids my brain juices into working harder than usual HAHAHA
Just kidding
DREAM ABIT CANNOT HUH lol.

Changed my blog song again cause I found the last one too emo
Sorry James!
I still love your "You Make It Real"! :)

AND PRIME IS COMING BACK THIS SUNDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
although the plane is taking off on Saturday I think.
The time difference is kinda huge
Singapore is 7 hours ahead of Spain -.-
When I eating breakfast he sleeping.
When I sleeping he shopping.
Lol it rhymes!
-.-
Ok I wish for a safe return of you Prime! :D

2008-12-12T15:16:00.000-08:00

Oh my God.
Quarantine scared the shit out of me.
Was recounting it with Qisheng during midnight, and I realized my eyes were closed during most part of the movie,
cause all parts QS mentioned, I don't recall at all.
And the movie was full of swears.
"I don't fucking know what's going on"
"What the fuck is happening?"
Lol so funny the whole audience was laughing
And the part where Scott used his video camera and smashed the infected woman to death.
Gosh so damn gruesome, the lens were spilled with blood.

Ah I feel so vulgar today
maybe because I'm gonna have tuition later.
Fuck you math
Urgh.
Sorry.

Ciao.

2008-12-11T01:35:00.000-08:00

Ok!
I caught Quarantine with my stepbro yesterday (Wednesday) and seriously, it didn't turn out like what I've thought it to be.
At first, I thought it was some kind of spiritual horror movie, but no...
It was so damn fucking gore.
I'm sorry but there was basically blood everywhere.
Oh my God...
But it was okay, just that the ending was a total disappointment.
Oh well...

It was about this block getting quarantined due to some disease called... 'Rabbis?' I don't know. Can't really recall. I covered my eyes for most of the horrific gore parts, and my stepbro was really brave, he just sat there without even moving! Lol. Nice day spent anyway, although I dragged him along. Had to whine abit in front of him before he said yes. Heh :D It was his first horror movie, and I bet his last. Ha :D

It's been 6 days since Prime went to Spain for his holiday. Somehow I feel so empty, 'cause he would always be by my side when I need somebody, or when I'm not feeling too good. He'll be back this Sunday. And then I can meet him again. Wonder if he got me anything from Spain? Maybe a Spanish hunk? Ha! :D I prefer Brazilians, can play volleyball together lol :D
If this was Kohkoh's entry maybe she'll say "Dream abit don't need money one hor!" HAHA I agree. I love my team! :D

Going out to catch The Alps at the Omni-theatre with Jingxuan tomorrow, or maybe today as it's already past midnight. Ps-ed him several times already, I will keep my promise still. And then I'll be hving tuition at Just Mathematics (*PUKE*) from 6-8pm. Had to entertain my mom and say yes to all the tuitions she've came up with. And I'll be joining the Sec 3 syllabus class, which means everything they'll be teaching will be Sec 3 stuff. I prefer it that way. I don't even hve the basics right, what for go to the Sec 4 class? I'll just embarrass myself so badly. And I don't mind learning the stuff with 14 year-olds. I mean, what's wrong with that, lol. My mom seem to be so worried that I'll be left out and everything. Ha, I'm pretty used to that so I guess I'll be fine. :)
And...
I HATE JUST MATHEMATICS TUITION CENTRE!!!
Big time.

I hope you're doing fine, Prime. :)

Ciao.

2008-12-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

Went to SPCA with Prime yesterday. He's in Spain now, I guess. Or at least on the plane maybe. Gonna be back in 9 days. What a lucky chap... :)

Very sadly, Olue wasn't there anymore. :( Supposingly he was adopted, and I hope he has found a better home, and a better life...

Olue

And the photos we took together yesterday

It wasn't painful, 'cause it wasn't my finger. Ha :D

3 under one roof

This agressive kitty tried to attack me

Inside the Cattery

"I'm a cat lover too!" Ha :D

That neh kia

It's a Saturday, and I'm rotting at home. No dates, and I bet my mom is reluctant to let me out. It seems to have been so long since I've donned nice clothes and go downtown with my friends. It's like, so no life now. Stay at home, sleep, eat, watch tv, go to training. Well, at least training is fun.

And staying at home like this somehow just let my thoughts run wild. Those happy times spent together, seems as if it was some decades ago, when in factual it had only happened a mere 2 months ago.

I doubt you remember them anyway.

There were so... minor to you in the first place, weren't they?

Oh, I wonder how Prime is doing.

Ciao.

2008-12-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

YAW PEOPLE I'M BACK! :D

Just came back from China.

Took the most number of photos in my lifetime: 352.

And that's exclusive of those I took with my teammates' and Mrs Mok's camera.

Heh heh heh.

Lazy to upload, especially with Blogger's hocked up picture uploader.

It was quite fun actually, the training wasn't as tough as expected.

It was pretty slack actually.

Although I don't think I gained much in skills,

but I certainly gained alot from my team.

To my 'eat microphone grow up one' Wenny:

I still remember when we were in Sec 1, I would ask you out and play badminton near your house, we were closer then. Things had changed much, you have become more cheerful, more loud, more determined in the things you do, and definitely more siao. :D Although your du lan face on court really scares me sometimes, as least it had somehow became a trademark of you, and of course something I'll use to remember you, heh! Stay strong ah wen zi! :D

To my airen Chialili:

Throughout these 3 years in HYVB we were never that close until now. Like Wenny, you're loud and funny and cheerful, love to laugh out loud and you never really cared how others think of you. I admire your I-don't-care character and in recent months I found out we can actually have alot to talk about. You're surrounded by friends most of the time so it's pretty hard to have a one-to-one conversation with you. Although you'd left, you'll always be a part of HYVB Sec 3 Cohort 2008. And not forgetting out Hotpot Culture date, must be as hiao as possible if not when school reopen there'll be no more chances alr. Heh :D

To my fengyan Meifen/Kaiyi:

We weren't very close either, maybe because our character can't click, I dunno, but during this China Trip I really got to know you more. You weren't that kinda person who would come out to me and talk to me, yet during the temple visit you were joking around with me, we were laughing together, and we took group photos together, side by side, and I would always remember your "HA!" when you swung your hands over my shoulders. I do cherish these moments because there are hard to come by. Even a simple "Ni OK ma?" from you do touches my heart. Thank you mui fan, that's what I always called you, if you noticed. :)

To my gaomei Bobo:

The time that really drawn us closer was the Asian Volleyball Boys Competition. You were crazily in love with MS Lee and I were, in CK Lei. We shared our crazy moments, how we talked to them on MSN, screamed in joy when they replied and complained in anger when they ignored us. You used to be very happy and cheerful, doing crazy things and not caring how others see you. Although it's obvious you have something in your heart nowadays and appeared more dull, I just hope you'll cheer up and know that, no matter what happens, we'll stand by you and help you. We're a team! :D

To my roommate 'ja niao' Janelle:

You this hands long legs long girl! Heh. We also got closer during this year. I realized you were quite a high girl despite your decent appearance. Ha! All those crazy times in China when you refused to budge from the TV because of the super-interesting (?) drama serials that you've already watched so many times, the times when you fell asleep while watching TV, the times when we shopped together with hands hooked onto mine. Through these hard-to-come-by times, I understood you so much more than I ever had.

To my Kohkoh Crunch Kohser:

We were from the same primary school, so there wasn't unfamiliarity between us. However, we were in different classes, and we went on with new friends and a new life. Nonetheless, we were back in the same CCA like we did in JPS. :D You're like many of our teammates, loud and happy. You have this happy-go-lucky character that makes the people around you feel that there's nothing in this world that's bad enough to bring down your whole life. Your laughter, like the pulse of our morale, and it just cheers people up. Thank you KohKoh! :D

To my ai mei li Emily:

You're so busy with Council that we hardly see you anymore. The only time I really had a chance to talk to you was during training, and now it's gone. It's been quite some time since I've talked to you, and you know I don't really enjoy turning up for meetings and such... But yeah. I recall the times we played crazy games during training, like butt-slapping (!) with everyone and your occasional hugs. :) Hopefully the Sec 1 OC will bring us closer again.

To my ah meng Hui Ming:

Pink Panther. :) I used to feel closest to you in the team, maybe because we were both quite quiet at times. After you left the team, I felt kinda lost, as if I've lost something close to me. I've pulled through, and to see now you're the VP of the Council, it doesn't really appeal to me 'cause HYVB has always been my first priority, and I know it'll be hard to drag you out of this commitment to the Council ever since then. You'll be too busy; you have Biology, Council, and volleyball might just be too tiring for you. I guess the team understands, and no matter what, you'll always be part of us, part of HYVB. :)

It's been almost 3 years now, and it's our last time playing as a team. My babes in HYVB, let's stick together and give it our best shot, for this is what our 3 years of effort, of hard work, of sweat, of blood, of tears, and of joy, had been for. Don't let it go to waste. I LOVE YOU ALL! :D

Jingwen

Serli

Meifen/Kaiyi

Yingyan

Janelle

Kohser

Emily

Huiming

2008-11-19T10:57:00.000-08:00

Here I am, finding myself blogging in the morning.
It's been quite some days before I touch the com again today, ever since it's been contaminated with filthy hands.
He blocked my IMEEM, like WHAT THE...
Is listening to music a crime too?
He's now controlling my access like how he controls his own kids' computer.
Come on, you're not my dad, what rights do you have?
Filthy, revolting old man.
Always trying to act nice by giving that fake smile.
Urgh, gotta erase his image outta my mind, if not I'll start to get really gore dreams.

Oh well, it's just a mere 6 days before my China Training Trip! :D
Okay, not so looking forward to it (when you have to go through hardcore training for a consecutive 6 days, now that's not very entertaining...), but yeah. I just wna get out of Singapore, out of this family, out of this whole place.
It's from 25/11 to 02/12.
And sadly I'll be missing my stepbro's birthday and Animal Planet's Day Out at the Singapore Zoo. :(
My favourite place, my favourite channel, all together in one place, one time.
YET I'M NOT IN SINGAPORE...
How lucky is that.
D:

I've got pretty much to talk about but I gotta rush,
meeting NBF at 12pm at Jurong East and yet I'm still at home, haven't bathe, haven't prepare. LOL.

Ciao.

2008-11-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

Many things happened over this period of time.
Thanks to my stepfather, that son of a bitch.
He not only blocked Facebook and Friendster, but also Imeem.
Hello, is it a crime for wanting to listen to music?
Fuck off, bastard.
I've beared with you and that bitch for invading my privacy and taking my laptop away without my permission.
You've tampered with my laptop and installed so many fucking restrictions, and you think you're right?
What the fuck is wrong with parents nowadays?
So desperate to find out what their kids are doing?
Just ask, idiot.
God gave us a mouth and your ability of speech to talk, not just to eat and scold.
You just made me hate you.
So what if you bought me the F1 cap, PSP, laptop, watch and all those lavish meals?
I can return them all to you, as if I can't live without them, chucks.
Even my bitch mother is repenting on her mistake,
but are you?
You blocked out all my social networking sites,
hello? I'm unlike your anti-social children, I hve many friends.
And why do you have to even bother about the friends I make in the first place?
You're just another man my mom hitched besides my late Father.
So actually, I don't hve to give a fuck on how you think about me and how you feel.
You hve no rights to interfere in my personal life, so please.
Just fuck off.
I don't need you.
It's my mom who needs some bastard like you, not me.

Sorry people.
Won't be able to blog for some time, please bear with me.
And stepfathers come in many types, and mine is the fucking busybody type.
Go be auntie la, you confirm own one, son of a bitch.
URGH so angry.

Ciao.

2008-11-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

Whenever I listen to Ne-yo's Miss Independent and Shontelle's T-Shirt, they'll remind me of you.

Not because of the lyrics, but for the fact that these two songs sorta connected us in some way or another.

We used to talk on the phone, and my computer would always be playing the former song. I was very in love with it, and you heard it through the call. On the next study trip, you have it in your phone! I was happy, to know that you appreciate this song as well.

And Shontelle's T-shirt, we were at the library together. You were teaching me math, but my attention span was really short and I ended up exploring your phone. You said your brother got the song and put it into your phone, and it was spelled as 'Shantelle' instead of 'Shontelle'. I edited it for you, and now this action is somehow etched in my mind, as if acting as a memory of trace in which I have left in your life.

It might all seem so minor, so unimportant to you, but to me, it means everything.

I miss those moments.

Yet we're now nothing but strangers.

Thank you for the memories, for they will forever be marked in my memory as something beautiful.
And when I say forever, I mean it. Till I'm old, till I die.

I don't believe in eternal love, or "I will love you forever", that is so unrealistic.

But this is a piece of memory that I will always cherish.
And if the Pensieve in Harry Potter existed, I would store them, keep it safe and away from the risks of being erased.

I just hope my presence didn't marred your memory of me.

Songs and rhythms remind me of you, of how we were like once before.

2008-10-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I am really angry. Feel your blood boiling, yes. So angry, that I sat in front of the fan for 20 minutes, trying to extinguish that flame in me and my stepbro thought something happened. Well, something really did.

I was on my way to my T.O.D.'s house, I felt really cheerful, listening to my songs and singing along. Then she called. Okay, I assumed I would hear a familiar close voice asking where was I now, yet what I heard was a voice questioning me in a stern tone, where was I. Please note that there is a difference between asking and questioning, the tones are totally different. I said I've already reached the void deck, but I seriously dunno why she had to sound so fucking pissed off in the first place. Thanks, 'cause that pissed me off as well. She was so demanding, fine. I told her I bathed alr, I went home before coming here. I dunno if she's going deaf or what, she kept asking the same questions. Okay, I tolerate that. She's getting senile, I can understand. And as always, we had some misunderstandings through the phone. I realised what she was trying to say, so I said, "Ok ok. I am already at the void deck." However, she went on trying to defend her own saying. Like, wtf? I gave in alr, so would you please kindly shut the fuck up? Haha, so much for saying that I always talk back to her. Well, this is STILL what I get for giving in to you.

I cheered up alot after that. My stepbro offered to get me a bowl of soup (which I rejected, sorry), and then my youngest stepbro came and played PSP with me. I was lying on his shoulder while he played, then we went to check out the Nick Pitera videos on the net. Had a great time laughing. Oh, then she said it's time to go home. Alright, I'm feeling fine. At least I avoided to get into a quarrel with you. We got on the car, everything was fine... Then she started to talk about school, about going to usher at the Prom Night. She was worrying this, worrying that, complaining why did the school management chose such a remote place, criticizing the incompetence of the teacher blah blah blah... Now, for the first time (or is it?), I'm defending for the Council. Firstly, there is confirmed TWO-WAY TRANSPORT, there and back. So no matter what time, where is it, how remote the place is, I'm safe. Secondly, she said, "The place is so remote, who would ever booked there? Besides, it's a Thursday. It's impossible that other clubs have no more spaces for reservations. If I'm a Sec 4 student, I wouldn't even wna go. " HAHAHA. Come on, you're nearing 50, I don't need you comments. And have you ever organised a prom night? If not, please shut the fuck up. So I went along saying, they need usherers, it's part of the yearly procedure. And this was what she replied, "Yeah, the Council. Only know how to make use of you students. And you go there, confirm make alot new friends again. You already have alot of friends alr." I'm sorry, but I have to say this.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS WHEN ALL THESE SECONDARY 4 SCHOOLMATES OF MINE, I KNOW MOST OF THEM ALREADY? I AM JUST GOING THERE TO USHER AND ENJOY THEIR GRADUATING JOY, AND YOU SAY I'M GONNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS THERE AGAIN? OH COME ON, BITCH. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY. YOU THINK I'M WASTING ALL MY TIME ON MY FRIENDS, WASTING ALL MY TIME ON MSN, WASTING ALL MY TIME ON SMSING, WASTING ALL MY TIME GOING OUT, INSTEAD OF STUDYING. BUT THEY ARE MY FRIENDS, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! YOU THINK YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO FUCKING DESPERATE THAT SHE GOES AROUND MAKING NEW FRIENDS WHEREVER SHE IS? YOU THINK I DON'T STUDY. JUST BECAUSE I SCORED TWO F9s IN MY EOY EXAM, YOU SEE NO HOPE IN ME ANYMORE. YOU THINK I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. YOU CLAIM YOU WNA HELP ME. OH PLEASE! THIS IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. YOU WNA HELP ME? WHY NOT HELP YOURSELF FIRST? HAHAHA!!!

Ever since the Parents Meeting Day, I realised we couldn't communicate well anymore. She finds mistakes in everything I do. On the way back, she asked for my teacher's number. I said I don't have it, she gave that ridiculous chuck. Wtf? Then she wanted to know who's the teacher in charge of the Council. Sorry, Mr Lee. I said it was you. But yeah. I told her I'll go to school tomorrow and tell him that I'll be backing out in the ushering. And she said, "That would be best" in mandarin. Oh my God. I really really feel like punching and stoning her till she die. I wanted to scream at her. She's is ridiculous. And I can't believe she's my mother.

She is having doubts in everything I engage in now, volleyball etc. She scrutinizes me, and I detest that. Her eyes, that disgusting, hideous, revolting pair of eyes of hers. Yes, you are my mother. So what? I have to rely on you now because I don't have a choice. You are my financial support. You donned me with the clothes I'm wearing now. You gave me everything I have now. Yes, but I don't feel that so-called motherly love I used to feel (did I even?). You're just a woman, who gave me life, who gave me money, who gave me clothes. I am grateful, yes. Thank you, and this is not said sarcastically. However I'm sorry to say that I'll try, from now on, to sever all emotional ties with you, although that might not seem possible, but it'll be of much help as I don't have to feel so upset when we part. I don't feel you like my mother anymore, for your tones, your actions, your everything. They're just making me hate you more and more. You guys might think I'm just being childish and all, it's alright. People say being the only child is fortunate, I beg the differ. You also have to endure all her fucking PMSes and her anger all comes to you. Maybe it's only her, I dunno.

Sometimes, how I hope I left with Papa 11 years ago. Then you could have went to the USA, just as you always wished, free and not tied down by anything.

I thank you for bringing me up. It pains me to write all these as well, but where else could I go? You'll go crazy if I say all these to you. It'll only make you dislike me more, make you think why did you even give birth to such a useless daughter like me, ain't it?

I'm sorry for all the curses. I still do love you, as a daughter.
But all these ain't coming down to nothing.
While you think your daughter has no more future, do you think any child would like their own parent to think this way of them?

You were once my emotional support. Yeah, were once.

2008-10-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Had friendly matches at Pioneer Junior College today. Okay, it was much more fun than I'd expected it to be. Teammates had 3 matches with PJ Girls Team, I played on the third set. I was really relaxed, unlike the old me who used to be so tense when ye beh was around, lol. So I really enjoyed the game, although there are mistakes but who cares! I wna enjoy the game with my teammates more than the desire to win the set, so yeah. :D

After that went to wash up. Bobo tied a bun for me! Omg I'm so happy, it's been like ages since I've tied a bun with my hair and it's nice. Tried numerous times at home but didn't succeed and it looked horrible so I gave up. Thank you Bo! :D

Took photos with Serli in the washroom and went out to find the whole team sitting there. At first we thought we were the ones who kept them waiting, but actually it was the Victoria boys. Lol, oh they were there too today at PJ. Sandy wanted to get the cellphone number from this No.10 spiker from VS whose name I think it's Darren or Terence? I dunno. Lol. So eventually she got his number and the whole situation was rather awkward 'cause the whole team was like teasing them. Sigh, if only I had her courage... I found it pretty embarrassing at first, but after some thought I realised she was quite brave, as I've never asked for the number from any guy (although sometimes I would really want to but it's very paiseh leh, lol). Come to think of it, I find that No.10 very good looking as well, and he looked so much like my primary school mate. Ok my pri. school friend is better looking haha! Or is he? :O

Anyway, went to Lot 1 and ate at LJS' with Serli, Janelle, Jingwen, Kohser, Meifen, Yingyan and Jason. And there was this pair of siblings sitting behind me, an elder brother and his sister. He was really nice to her, he bought the chocolate cake thingy and shared it with her. How I wish I had an elder brother myself... Although I do have stepbrothers, it just doesn't feel the same.

Trained home with Jason and Serli, she alighted at Bukit Batok so Jason and I talked about studies back to Jurong East. Was saying how bad my Chemistry was and I can see that he was trying to help and give me advice. Alright, I shall work hard for my Chemistry and towards my O Levels, for myself, for Prime, and for you Jason! Since you're rarely so nice HAHA. :D

And Superman No.5 from VSVB is really good looking! The Camera Man for today! Ha. :}

But crushes and infatuations never had a chance.

Lousy zoom

Ms. Towel and Comb? Lol

Serli's favourite photo of all taken!

+ Some random pictures,

I look ugly but for the sake of chiobu Sharvin...

This is my contact picture in Jia Wen's phone HAHA

Oh! Jia Wen! You're too cute to resist, I hve to post this :D

End of with dear cute Sharvin during his Primary School days, lol.

2008-10-24T00:42:00.000-07:00

Erased - Dr. Dre Featuring Chris Brown

You don't see me
The same no more
It's hard
To see the light
Through closing doors
Don't treat me like
Like I'm invisible
You talk with me
It's not the usual
We scream, we fight
Saying things
That we both regret
And that's not right
That you could
Just forget me
Like that
You've never tried
Always taking
The easy route
Always taking
The easy route
Never wanting
To work it out

You want to be free
You want to leave me
I can't believe
'Cause without you
Baby I'm incomplete

Am I erased
Just a segment
Of your imagination
I'm feeling replaced
Like a faded picture
Where you can't see my face
Scratched out
Erased

In memory
Of what we used
To call love
I reminicise
What used to be us
Remember when
When I was the most important
To you
But now I'm a ghost
The trust has died
There's no way
We can bring it back
We live a lie
No bars
No strings attached
Is this alright?
A part of you
Just wants me back
A part of me
Just wants you back

You want to be free
You want to leave me
I can't believe
Am I, am I

Am I erased
Just a segment
Of your imagination
I'm feeling replaced
Like a faded picture
Where you can't see my face
Scratched out
Erased

Can anybody see me
See me now?
I'm erased
From the crowd
So cold
And I don't know how

This song's prelude is so, so good. :D

2008-10-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

Definition of Mother: A female parent.
Definition of MY mother?:
The woman who gave birth to me and thought she would bring me up to be so smart that I was in RGS and excelled in all my grades even when MOE expected Sec 3s to do badly, who was filial to her, who was so smart that she could have went on a debate competition with the late dear Sir Albert Einstein, who was a child prodigy who could have done university-standard mathematical sums at the mere age of 5, who could play the piano better than the late Sir Mozart, and all in all, she expected me to be smart, clever, intelligent, smart, smart, smart.

Yet she turned out to be a piece of junk who did so badly for her EOY and now seen as nothing more than a kid with no more future. Me.

Perhaps you should hve adopted. Then there wouldn't be a daughter like me to spite you all the time, wouldn't be such a useless and stupid girl who isn't smart enough to be your daughter, wouldn't be a daughter to add on to your burden, wouldn't be a daughter to have dragged you down due to your late husband who's my dad, wouldn't be a daughter who won't even make it to poly, wouldn't be a daughter who scored F9s instead of your expected A1s and A2s and marks over 80, wouldn't be a daughter whom you expected to wear the navy blue pinafore with a belt in the middle with classmates so smart you'd rather they were your daughters 'cause they would all grow up to become laywers, doctors, politicians, and yet I'm wearing this white blouse with a skirt of a lighter shade of blue, and doing so badly. Wouldn't be a daughter who tried communicating with you about my classmates everyday and when you shut me up saying my friends are of bad influence. Wouldn't be a daughter who refuse to make friends with the people you want me to, the super super smart ones. Wouldn't be a daughter who wasted your resources. Wouldn't be a daughter to have brought you so many bad memories. Wouldn't be a daughter whom you'd forever be ashamed of.

I was a gift Papa left for you.
Now, I'm nothing but a burden.
Such a big burden to you,
even I feel ashamed of myself.

Sorry.

2008-10-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

Songs do express my feelings.

Diagnosed With Love - Chris Brown

I'm starin at the clock
It's a quarter to three
I'm tossin in my bed
Cause I just can't sleep
Cause you're not here with me
I'm reaching out for you
I wish I could talk to you
Tryna figure out what's going on with me
I'm use to havin all the answers for everything
Oh girl
I think she is the one
Where is that comin from?

Feels so crazy
Baby you simply amaze me
So much more than lately
I owe it all to you (Owe it all to you)
All those games we
Used to play now
Seem so lame to me
What I'm coming down with
Feels new to me
All I know is that you are the cure
Cause I've been diagnosed with love

Does anybody know the answer to this question
Cause I'm confused
Now I'm opened for suggestions
My heart is talking loud (So loud)
What is this about (About)
I'm really changin now, Oh
Cleared all the numbers out my phone
Done left that whole life alone
Those are two of the symptoms I see
And I believe
Oh girl, I am sure
That you are my miracle

If anybody feels me let me see you wave your hand and say I'm diagnosed with love
girl cause all I know that you are the cure baby

Feels so crazy
Baby you simply amaze me
So much more than lately
I owe it all to you (Owe it all to you)
All those games we
Used to play now
Seem so lame to me
What I'm coming down with
Feels new to me
All I know is that you are the cure
Cause I've been diagnosed with love.

想念你开着玩笑说,你头发流血.
想念你问我,很晚了为什么还没睡.
想念你问我, "你累吗?"
想念你跟我一起说福建话的时候.
想念你陪我聊天聊到深夜.
想念你还很亲切的那段日子.
想念你所给我的美好时光.

对不起,
但我真的好想念你.

2008-10-22T00:15:00.002-07:00

I wna go shopping and on eating trips with SJM.
I miss sitting beside my Sayang.
I feel so no life now.
I wna go to Serangoon and give him a surprise!

I AM FUCKING BORED.

2008-10-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

稻香周杰伦

对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要这么容易就想放弃
就像我说的追不到的梦想换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色
先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
笑一个吧
功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机现在终于飞回我手里

所谓的那快乐赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了
谁在偷笑呢
我靠着稻草人吹着风唱着歌睡着了
哦哦
午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦哦
阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

I hardly ever listen to chinese songs, except for JayChou's ones. This song is from his new album 魔杰座, and it's my favourite song from this round of collection. Read the lyrics, they're very meaningful, but of course, Jay wrote them himself. :)

***

Haven't been blogging for the past few days. Kept giving excuses to blog another time, but now I realised I forgotten what I intended to blog a few days back. Anyway...

I skipped school today. What for going, when all you do is sit in class and stone? Nothing to do at all, except for some talks and surveys. Totally a waste of time. I don't know how to play those poker card games, so definitely I lose out 'cause half the class is engaged in poker. Since all you do is rot in class, so might as well stay at home and rest or do some other more meaningful things, rather than wasting time away in school.

Training yesterday was fun, we laughed like crazy. Wenny kept saying "辛苦了!" and "Lan beh!" and Serli was shaking her body with her hands up in the air and saying "我前世是海带" which meant, I was a seaweed in my past life. LOL damn funny. Okay I dunno how to describe how hilarious it was but yeah. :D then Wenny and I started to join in too so the three of us were doing it together. Rofl. But I doubt it would be as fun from the next training onwards, Ye beh is back. As Janelle said, he seems to dislike people being happy, and I somehow agree. When he's around, the atmosphere is so dense, so strict. Urgh.

Oh yes, I told my mom about my results yesterday night. I didn't get any scolding at all! Perhaps it's because she was feeling unwell and I was really tired. She looked kinda worried but I quickly changed the subject to something else. Phew, thank goodness... Developed fever soon after shower, this made her even more worried about my health rather than my results. Yay :D

There are so many things I wna post about, but I just can't recall...

Oh! Dear SJM, I bet you read my blog all the time, so this post is dedicated to what happened at Guardian/Watson(?) the other day when we went to eat Ajisen at IMM. :D

You see, this was what happened. SJM was queuing up to pay for the biscuits, and her hand hit onto the shelf of condoms and one packet of it dropped on the floor. HAHAHA. So after that she told me it's the first time since she was aware that the small packaging is contained with condoms that she touched it.

Anyway, SJM's reactions wasn't that huge. But sometimes I wonder why girls react to condoms or other contraceptive methods with a loud and huge "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". No all of course, but some. Why? What's wrong with them? I mean, they're just condoms right? Lol. I know it's sex-related, but so? You people might find that disgusting, but come on, if your parents didn't have sex, where would you come from? Dustbin? Lol. And condoms are life-saving comtraception methods, they prevent unwanted pregnancies and unnecessary abortions. They are lives we're talking about here, so instead of killing them, why not just prevent the formation of them right in the first place?

Gonna go slack the whole day.

TAKING IC TOMORROW! :D

Ciao.

2008-10-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

永远忘不了我们这三年二班.

Results are back. As expected, I've failed my Double Maths and Combined Sciences. But my Geography was so terribly done, I'm so disappointed in myself. Scored a mere 25/50 for Paper 1 and 32/50 for Paper 2. Fuck. You might say I did not study, whatever. But I did okay. Did notes on the 5 Causes, 6 Problems and 4 Policies of Deforestation in Kalimantan till I wna vomit a whole forest yet this is what I scored. Fine. I'll do better next year. I must get an A, I must.

Here are my results for written papers only:

ENGLISH - Paper 1: 40/60 Paper 2: 29.5/50 Total: 69.5/110

HCL - Paper 1: 57/90 Paper 2: 54/110 Total: 111/200 ROFL

E MATHS - Paper 1: 20/60 Paper 2: 21/80 Total: 41/140 HAHAHA

A MATHS - 31/80 Better than expected :D

SCI (PHY) - 35/70 I passed! Surprisingly...

SCI (CHEM) - 12/50 Not inclusive of MCQ.

HUMANS (SS) - 29/50

HUMANS (HIST) - 26/50

GEOGRAPHY - Paper 1: 25/50 Paper 2: 32/50 WTF.

So overall, I'm thankful I'm not retained. I was shivering when I asked Mrs Chia if I'm in the safe zone. And I didn't expect myself to pass History, as I wasn't even paying attention to Ms. LWF's lessons and neither did I study. As for SS, wrote quite alot but all outta point -.- Still, I managed to pass. And Chemistry, I totally give up, yay! Slept during the paper. But I managed to scrape a pass in Physics! However, I can ensure I'll fail my overall Combi. Science because of my terrible Chemistry and all the horrific CA Marks.

And would you look at my HCL marks! 111/200. My mom's gonna kill me. "I EXPECT YOU TO EXCEL IN YOUR CHINESE AS ALWAYS, WHAT HAPPENED!? YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE EFFORT TO READ MORE CHINESE NOVELS!" Lol, she didn't say that, yet. She doesn't know the results are already back, so I'll just continue to feign ignorance and pretend nothing has happened, yay! And for the letter writing, I wrote so much yet the teacher gave me only 12/20. WTF. Anyway, I don't count HCL as a subject. It's just Chinese. Don't care. :)

My English did best this time round, although the marks are still very saddening. However, I found the teacher who marked our P.1 very lenient. As I said, I wrote an argumentative essay without knowing it's one, yet she didn't penalize me. Got 18/30. Also, my situational writing, it was supposed to be written to the MOE Selection Board, yet I wrote to the person-in-charge of the course I've chosen. She didn't penalize me as well, and gosh I got 22/30 for that section. And I think it was Dr who marked our paper? I dunno... But my P.2 was like ______? Why did the passage had to be so boring in the first place anyway?

I don't know what to say to them, but I'm worried. She's faking a happy front, he's too calm. The fact that we can't be as a class anymore is the kinda thing we would least want it to happen, but it just... happened. As friends, we dunno what to say to provide a form of comfort. I will not tell you it's gonna be okay, 'cause it certainly isn't. Neither would I say cheer up, it'll be stupid to say so. Put myself in your shoes, yes I do feel how you feel. No matter what, know that the class will always be behind you both and supporting you. Do not give up, for we still, and always will have faith in you. You can do it. We will always be 3E2.

2008-10-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

想忘了.

***

It was a waste of time in school today. No teachers, no exam scripts, no nothing. Could have stayed at home and slept till 12pm then go for training. This 'great' school system is getting us nowhere.

But still, I'm constantly reminded of the fear of being retained for the year. Tried to get some information of Mrs. Chia and Ms. Ong but their mouths are sealed. O well, friendly match tomorrow in school, and it's also Promotional Meeting Day. I'll bug them till they reveal. :D

Had dinner with Bobo after training. Man, I ate so much. No wonder I ain't showing any signs of slimming down. Well, as SJM said, 能吃是福. Besides, we're growing up now. I believe our rate of metabolism isn't that low. So, grow while you can now, although I suppose I stopped growing already. Nb.

***

Just when you thought everything was over, a song, or whatever, might just remind you of unpleasant, or well, things you don't really wanna think about. It's pretty hard to get it off your mind yaw, especially when he just zooms in and outta your mind like a rocket, leaving so much exhaust in its track, which makes you hard to forget.

But you have to, eventually, don't you?

Snap out of it. O come on, you can do it, can't you?

Nobody's gonna help you, not even him. So save yourself.

Thanks, I hate this feeling.

Ciao.

2008-10-14T22:25:00.001-07:00

结束了.

***

In a blink of an eye, 5 days have passed. Well, we'll be getting our results tomorrow. Gonna be such a disappointment.

I'm bound to fail my Double Maths and Combined Science. I took the paper myself, who else knows it better than me? I've failed these 3 subjects for my MYE, so it isn't much of a surprise if I failed it this time round too.

But my English and Geography? O come on, please don't fail me. I've pinned all my hopes on you, although I know clearly I've screwed up essay writing (fancy choosing an argumentative essay and not knowing it's one) and my Geography SEQ, both 8 marks questions I wrote a mere 4 lines. Wtf.

I dreamt that I got 25/50 for both my Geography papers, which makes it 50/100. That's VERY bad. I know I didn't study but actually I found the paper relatively easy. Tons of things to write, but if you studied and understood what the teacher was saying, you ought to get at least a B4 I guess. Doesn't apply to me though.

I have a hunch Mrs Chia is gonna actually come up to me and tell me "Your chances of retaining are very high" or "You are retained for the year". Whou. That's really a nightmare come true. Then maybe I'll jump off the building before my mom murders me, it'll be a much less painful death... And come to think of it, I think my results are bad enough to land me in 3E/3N in Year 2009. Fuck.

***

SJM is ill. And she's still chatting with her She-Knows-It-Better-Than-Anyone-Else. Lol.

Alright, off to do vb admin stuff.

Ciao.

2008-10-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

无所谓.

我会活的比现在更好.

***

Training basically sucked. The whole sec 2 skipped training because of a birthday party (rofl?), and coach put the blame on us sec 3s and ranted out on us. Thanks alot. Wtf.
Except being able to see my teammates again, there isn't much to be happy about.

One more photo of Weijian before I sign off. :)

2008-10-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

你的答案, 好难听.

但你总算坦白了.

***

Spent another day with dear SJM, it's the 5th consecutive day yaw! There was Weijian around today so it was pretty awkward to start the day with, but it eased alot along the way.

We caught the movie 'Connected 保持通话' at Orchard Cineleisure. The movie was not bad, but it was pretty violent and gore... As usual, Barbie Hsu looks as stunning, 古天乐still as handsome, and the protagonist from the bad side is really good looking, seriously! :D His name was Liu Ye 刘烨, I think. Anyway, the movie was pretty good. Do catch it.

Went to VivoCity after the movie, we had nowhere to go, lol. Walked around, and we went to NUM to look for Weijian's gay partner. So in all, he had 5: first one stopped working already I supposed, second one was still there and we saw him too. As for the rest, whereabouts and status are unknown. Rofl. Okay fine, he's not gay.

SJM's 招牌动作

Favourite of the Day.

For once, VivoCity looked like a kampong?

On the train home

Weijian is camera shy? :O

Wrong time, wrong finger. Looks wrong...

老毛病又犯了.

***

2008-10-12T00:40:00.000-07:00

See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!

O that I were a glove upon that hand,

That I might touch that cheek!

- Watching Juliet at her window, Romeo longs for her.

***

I had a crazy day with SJM. We went to Suntec City together for Beppu Ramen (I introduced it yaw!), and had a really early dinner (at like, 4pm?). While waiting for the food to be served, we took photographs at the restaurant. Used the self-timer and left the camera on the table. You see, it's hard to actually gauge when a ten-second self-timer is gonna snap your photo, so we were smiling at the camera for quite some time like idiots, and people walking past the restaurant outside were looking at us like we're some ____? Lol. But the photos were good, although my eyeliner smudged like *&^%$#@!.

After that we walked around Suntec City, and SJM bought even more food. We ate desserts at the food court and after that went to buy the chicken cutlet or something. Threw it away with more than half left. Sorry chicken. :( Anyway, SJM totally owned. Altogether, she ate:

1. A bowl of Ramen with chilli 6 times stronger that sent me tearing.

2. A bowl of Honeydew Sago.

3. One Hotdog.

4. 4 Muffins.

Rofl?

We were at Minitoons, and SJM came out with this terribly pink Strawberry Shortcake bag and said we should buy it as a gift for him. Well, I certainly agreed, it did kinda fit him, although we were seriously intending to buy him something decent...

Oh, and I saw this Nike backpack. It was so much nicer and cheaper than the one I got less than a month ago. Totally regret it. O fuck. But mine's not bad anyway. Cost me a freaking 90 bucks. And that one was just 55. Wtf? Forget it. Rather spend time loving the one I have now.

SJM and I bought a dress each. Identical ones. Promised each other to wear it out together one day. :) It was sweet, and kinda cheap. 2 for 30 dollars, oh well, I had to borrow 3 dollars from SJM because I'm dried up. Lol. But Ï'm happy, the dress was really pretty and I got it with my best friend! :D

On the way back to the train station, we saw a couple. Maybe it was more interesting as they were a gay couple. Lol? SJM totally grabbed my hand and tried to control her laughter and I bet one of the guy saw. They were holding hands, with their fingers tightly embraced. Wow, first time I saw this. I saw many lesbian couples but gays? That's pretty rare. Oh well, I suppose Singapore's still an against-homosexuality country, but I don't think we should really interfere into their own lives anyway.

Throughout the whole day SJM and I were talking about everything, and constantly joked about, what if he and his clique happened to just, run into us? Wouldn't that be a beautiful coincidence, with me having a 100% guarantee that they'll just "Eh?" and continue on their journey to wherever. How nice.

It has been the consecutive 4th day that I went out with SJM. Had a really great time her, talking, laughing, oogling at eye candies, everything. Yet, in the first place I never imagined we could be so close. O, how unpredictable can Fate get?

APPOINTMENTS WITH SJM

1. Ajisen Ramen

2. Fried rice at IMM HongKong-based Café (Jiawen?)

3.Marvelous Cream, or something like that, near City Hall MRT Station.

4. Andersen's Ice-Cream? Not yet a pact...

5. Sakura Buffet

6. Nihon Mura @ JW Sports Stadium

and many many more. :D

On the train

Old habits die hard...

Favourite of the Day.

Hair smelling session, love it.

We wanted to get this bag for you, my dear Him.

End of the day.

***

Sometimes I think I'm fretting over things I shouldn't even be thinking about at my age.
But since I already am, why not just cut the hesitation?

I said I'll wait for you. But I ain't sure anymore. Your attitude towards me is unpredictable; we were so close, and now we're so far apart. What's the use of trying to get you to go out with us so just to spend some time with you? You don't care, do you? People say you like me too, but deep down inside I know it's just my own imagination. You're inconsistent, and it's so hard to even guess what's really on your mind.

Yet it's hard to control these thoughts of you.

And now another him is here, I don't know what to do. He promises me love, I promise you love, and you promise ______?

2008-10-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

Whenever SJM, Jiawen and I go out together now, it just feels as if we're short of one person.

仿佛就像打麻将一样, 三缺一, 因为你已不再有兴趣和我们在一起了.

2008-10-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

They may seize
On the white wonder of Juliet's hand
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,
Who, even in pure and vestal modesty,
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin.

- Romeo envies the flies that can visit Juliet, when he cannot.

***

You read this blog, and you texted me, explaining certain things.

It made me look like I was desperate to have a boyfriend, but I wasn't.

Well, perhaps really desperate to have someone who loves me and I do him, but yeah. Fuck, I sound like a desperate bitch? Sheesh man.

I just wanted to know if you like me too, nothing else.

I wanted to much to ask you, yet the fear of irritating you held me back. I'm not sorry for my plight, but just sorry what I've done to sabotage the used-to-be-kinda-close relationship between us.

However, I seriously doubt if you feel the same as well. Maybe all these time I claimed how close we were, you never even thought serious of them. O, how shameful would it be of me to make these claims!

That was not said sarcastically, but truthfully.

I miss you.

***

Spent the afternoon with SJM and Jiawen. We ate the HongKong-based café on the 3rd Floor of IMM. It was such an enjoyable brunch, with Jiawen having ate a scallop that still had sand in it (it was suppose to be mine but he offered the first serving to me), but overall the food was good. I had the same order as Jiawen (I chose the dish for him yaw!), and SJM had minced meat noodle. We talked and talked as usual, and after lunch we went to Kopitiam to have dessert? Haha. O, the memories at that hawker centre, still so vividly, when you sat in front of me, eating...

We parted our ways, with Jiawen leaving for some I-don't-know place and SJM took a train with me to Toa Payoh! I was touched. She said, "Two people emo together better than one person emo on herself." Ah. It was an approximately 45 minutes trip and she took it there and back. Thank you so much, SJM. :)

Met up with Prime at Toa Payoh Library. He studied and I didn't bring my laptop along, so I went to look for books on William Shakespeare. I realized many of his works are heavily edited and altered to make easy for reading. Some are even compiled into a play-like structure. Wtf? You might as well have put your own name as the author of the book, people. Anyway, we left the library at around half past 5 and made our way home. Prime sent me home and we took Bus 143. My, the bus ride was over an hour. We started the journey when the sun was still out, and reached JE when the sky has turned dark. It was a pleasant journey with him anyway. :)

Weary-eyed.

GO WATCH 'PAINTED SKIN 画皮' YALL! It's a really nice movie. Adapted from one of the series in 聊斋志异, it's more about love rather than horror. Zhou Xun was strikingly gorgeous in this film, and she turned out to be not so bitch in the end. Eventually, true love prevails all imperfections and obstacles.

***

I read Serli's blog and came to know this song by Mariah Carey. It's lyrics are meaningful, here it is. Do go to Imeem and check out the song. And somehow I feel a connection towards this song, although we didn't even started a thing together. O well...

Mariah Carey - I Stay In Love

Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make up break up can't take this madness

We don't even really know why

All I know is baby

I try and try so hard to keep our love alive

If you dont' know me at this point then I highly doubt you ever will

really need you to give me that unconditional love I used to feel

It's a mistake if we just erase it

From our hearts and minds

I know

We said let it go

but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know

it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like 'Oh well' each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now,

no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul

My friends tell me I ain't the same no more

We still need each other

When we stumble and fall

how we gon' act like what we had ain't nothing at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you

With the top down like we used to

Hit the block proud in the SU

We both know our heart is breakin'

Can we learn from our mistakes

I can't last one moment alone,

although I know

We said let go

but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know

it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go

but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know

it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go

but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know

it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you.

2008-10-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

Soh Jin Mei, a.k.a Jibeh.

I realized my last post was rather emo and love-hungry. Perhaps desperate, whatever.

This girl you see above. We weren't the best of friends in the beginning. Yes, we conversed a little over the past 2 years, but were merely hi-bye friends. In my eyes, she was unfriendly and cool, as if having the words I-don't-give-a-damn written across her face.

We entered the same class in Year 2008. It was not till now did we get so close. Never did I thought we could be so close in the first place. She was a girl with good grades, and still seemingly unapproachable. Yet...

It was all because of a library trip. She found out my little secret, and well, she wasn't surprised. Apparently, I made it pretty obvious and was oblivious about it. And we talked and talked and talked about it, it became our topic of conversation, but as time went, we were drawn closer to each other, and both of us realized, our topic need not forever revolve around him.

We started to spend afternoons together in the library, and always ended up talking instead of studying. She was not what I thought she were: the cold and unfriendly SJM. She was cheerful, ever-high, always encouraging you when you feel that your self esteem could no longer sink any deeper. I realized we shared many same thoughts. We had meals together, and one common trait we had: We never stop eating. :D

She's always keen to share, and ready to listen. Ask her out and most of the time she'll say yes, or at least give you a temporary definite answer, unlike some guys who simply entertains you with a "I dunno" or "See first". I'm not implying that it can't be an answer, but we just yearned for a more friendly tone. Well, I suppose that's the typicality of guys.

Dear SJM, you let me understood the meaning of "Don't judge a book by its cover". Yes, you may have a personality too cool to be approachable, but it's okay. People will understand. We don't have to entertain them if we don't feel like to. We don't care. We are who we are, and what we are. It's up to people who are willing to understand you deeper inside, instead of judging and rating you just by looking at one's outer cover which is often deceiving. Perhaps if they're sincere enough, they'll finally get to know the real SJM. :)

***

It was my last paper today. I bear no more hopes of doing well, needless to say to even have enough luck to scrape a pass. I won't give up. I'm just lazy, and it's something stuck to my bones that I can't remove. These lazybones, oh please fall off. I don't mind getting osteoporosis (just ensure I'm able to renew my bones), it's really time I buck up.

But somehow I've given up on my studies. Honestly, I see no future in myself. Failing, failing and more failing. Marks and grades underlined in my report book, it's as if it'd become a yearly basis. I don't mind failing anymore, for I can't even feel if I give a fuck for my studies. I don't mind studying Geography, for I think of all the subjects I take, it's the one that makes the most sense out of everything and I love it. And English, I do have a passion for writing, for I prefer English so much to Chinese. I'm taking my 'O' Levels Chinese Language Examination in less than a month, and I don't care. Who cares anyway? I may study Higher Chinese, and people always think our chinese is really good. Oh, come on. My chinese sucks more than yours, seriously. It's such a waste of time. I do converse and write in Mandarin but all those comprehensions in the examinations, I see no point why I should bother even attempting to read and understand them. We have 8 periods of HCL every week. Seriously, what for? You may say, China's gonna be the next Big Brother in the economy realm, so? I am a Chinese, and I think knowing how to converse, understand and write basic Mandarin is enough. 8 periods, that's the most of all 7 subjects. Why couldn't they spend these precious time on Maths or Geography instead? It's obvious that our Maths is disasterrific, yet you're still wasting time on Chinese? OH, WAKE UP, SCHOOL.

For all you know, I might be retained for the year. Then I'll kill myself, because my mom will kill me anyway.

And this paragraphing system is pissing me off. No matter how many Enters I key, it still sticked altogether to form a big whole chunky essay. Urgh, whatever.

Ciao.

2008-10-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

Taylor Swift in Love Story

I just can't get this song out of my mind. Another masterpiece by Taylor Swift, do check out the music video, it's like Cinderella.

People know, falling in love will guarantee you some heartbreaks, and some even abstain from it. I know how this feels. To be in love, yet still feeling so wrong about it. I told myself it was a mistake. A beautiful mistake, to have fallen in love with him. Knowing very clearly myself that he's not the least interested, why let myself fall deeper?

I miss the times when I texted him, and his replies were funny, humorous, and I can sense that he replied with his heart, not like some guys who just entertains you with a "haha" or "oh I see". We could talked late into nights, about everything. Kul Prit, schoolwork, and topics rated NC16. He would always know when I'm getting high, and he doesn't shun me. He's appreciative, and he treated people with his heart and soul. We did not have lengthy smses, but our contents were cheerful, happy, motivating. He was never rude, and always showed that sense of care for me, or at least. We laughed together on the phone, conversed in our dialect, talked about our lives. Everything was going fine. It was beautiful.

And yet I told him how I've always felt about him. And after days I got an answer. Friends encouraged me and told me he would feel the same towards me. I dare not bear high hopes, in fear of a great disappointment. I was right. I wasn't the right one for him. Maybe telling him how I felt was a relief for me, but not for him. I may have added to his burden, I do not know. He may still miss his ex-girlfriend, the pretty one. Who am I? I'm just some typical girl in hope to possess a small space in your heart and a little time in your thoughts.

But I was a nobody in your life.

You used to show me care and concern, even though it was only a period of a few weeks we took to develop our feelings. My feelings for you have grown, and sprouted. It would take a severe drought to kill it, for floods coming from my eyes kept it moist.

You talk to me so coldly now. I'm not used to it yet, but I'll have to. Your replies are filled with your normal I-don't-care tone. I can't feel the old you anymore. The one who would insist that I must sleep early, the one who asked me if Kul Prit did anything to me in class, the one who accompanied me for a 2-hour long chat on the phone into 3am and doesn't mind, the one who would ask if I'm tired and why I hadn't sleep when I worry the same for you as well. No longer.

It might all have been just a wishful part of my thinking, my own dwelling fantasy. The things my friends told me, about the way you looked at me, when you offered me a drink when I was feeling nauseous, when you murmured to offer to carry my books for me when I complained that my bag was heavy, when you said yes to going to the library with me despite only the two of us, when you asked me why I didn't want to eat and told me I should, when you teached me math. They were just, imagination. 这一切都是我想太多了.

I never wanted to force you into a relationship. I just want to know that you like me too, just like how much I like you. I guess I was wrong. So utterly wrong. Your feelings for me were nothing but for a mere friend, weren't they?

But I will wait for you. Even if the fact that promoting up to JC/Poly would mean a much bigger obstacle to possess your heart, I will try my best, for the fact that my feelings for you are genuine.

I just miss the times we had, so much.

It was a beautiful mistake, so beautiful that I hope it would err on for a long time. I may be childish to hope you'll even like me. But please, give me a chance to let me appreciate you, better than she can do. Yes, I'm not as pretty, I don't have a good figure, I have bad skin, and compared to her I'm less intellectually talented. I may never be good enough for you. But I love you so.

And yet, those times will never be back, will they? I can't call you just to hear your voice anymore, you'll find me absurd to call you without a purpose. I can't find any reason to sms you, and when I do, your replies are as if you're offended, or irritated. I am sorry for being such a nuisance to you, and I promise I'll not bother you again.

Perhaps by then, you'd have already found the girl of your dreams, and I, would have already slipped out of your blissful life, unknowingly. No one cares anyway.

But, for just one last time,

I miss you.

After our 'outing'.